I'm here to inform you that I have unwittingly stumbled into a set of "Sick, Sad World," and I can't get out. I mean, seriously...taken from an objective point of view, a script of my life would be ridiculed for being totally unbelievable, melodramatic and lacking in explosions...oh wait, no...chemistry class... Anyway, my point is that very little surprises me these days. Not even the newest development in the "Let's try to stop Sam's body from starving itself to death" campaign.
Are all y'all (as they say here in Baltimore; I think I've got the Southern grammar right, but am not totally sure) ready for this? I am going to get Botox injections. In my stomach. I kid you not. My stomach won't empty anymore, which is what doctors like to call "bad." Not even fluids can get through sometimes. So the answer is to paralyze the muscles that are not already paralyzed so they'll relax and let me eat/drink. Or that's the theory. I think at this point my physicians get together and throw ideas around: "Ooh, I know, next time let's try poison arrow frog!" "No, pufferfish toxin (tetrodotoxin)!" And then let's amputate two fingers, one ankle and a toenail!
So anyway, Botox. I'd make the obligatory jokes about being too young for Botox, etc....but they would fall flat. In other news, lupus and gastroparesis suck.